we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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