my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I love you. Go after that dick
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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