It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He passed out mid-signature
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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