Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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