Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
