On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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