We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
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It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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