Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
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Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
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Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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