you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
