I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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