Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
