my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
