I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
