Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
