The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
