Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
