I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
