I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
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Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
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Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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