i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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