I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
