i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
