and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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