I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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