were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
