Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
