I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
