I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
no you cant smoke seaweed
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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