2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize