ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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