At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
