i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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