eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Go christen that room with your naked body.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
