her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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