I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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