I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
