so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
