you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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