I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
