Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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