you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
