There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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