Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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