Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
