Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
