he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
