Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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