I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
