He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
