My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
