Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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