So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
