So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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