Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
In America we eat man semen.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
