Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
