Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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