Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  Why did I cab home last night?

  (1-310): View more from California

  Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.

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  (310): Why did I cab home last night? (1-310): Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker. http://tfl.nu/2rna
  Replies (1) Good night (1006) Bad night (770)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.

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  (732): FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket. http://tfl.nu/p1i6
  Replies (29) Good night (6555) Bad night (791)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.

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  (502): Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes. http://tfl.nu/a8d2
  Replies (15) Good night (6656) Bad night (649)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!

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  (506): porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off! http://tfl.nu/nmc3
  Replies (28) Good night (5935) Bad night (899)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  it was like fucking gandolphs beard

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  (405): it was like fucking gandolphs beard http://tfl.nu/vnqc
  Replies (30) Good night (1032) Bad night (6868)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint

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  (509): Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint http://tfl.nu/0n30
  Replies (10) Good night (1361) Bad night (4748)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I can get orange kush...

  (586): View more from Michigan

  GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!

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  (313): I can get orange kush... (586): GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?! http://tfl.nu/voiy
  Replies (32) Good night (6545) Bad night (1549)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room

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  (541): dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room http://tfl.nu/exa4
  Replies (15) Good night (3985) Bad night (1073)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.

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  (313): Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs. http://tfl.nu/t847
  Replies (8) Good night (2406) Bad night (605)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy

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  (210): I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy http://tfl.nu/96zr
  Replies (4) Good night (1198) Bad night (690)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.

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  (609): I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out. http://tfl.nu/kpzq
  Replies (2) Good night (313) Bad night (776)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  Any good?

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point

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  (515): You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka. (1-515): Any good? (515): Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point http://tfl.nu/htpx
  Replies (2) Good night (1162) Bad night (336)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.

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  (601): He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time. http://tfl.nu/0o2i
  Replies (4) Good night (473) Bad night (634)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.

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  (541): And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual. http://tfl.nu/zw2q
  Replies (1) Good night (495) Bad night (275)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker

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  (617): well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker http://tfl.nu/t0fs
  Replies (5) Good night (457) Bad night (254)

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