So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.