3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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