I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia