my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
