if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES