Texts From Last Night

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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.

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  (832): So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket. http://tfl.nu/78sj
  Replies (27) Good night (2124) Bad night (3593)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.

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  (512): I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw. (1-512): Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid. http://tfl.nu/p25a
  Replies (16) Good night (4304) Bad night (1442)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck

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  (610): all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck http://tfl.nu/mnqh
  Replies (49) Good night (1427) Bad night (7479)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls

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  (508): I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls http://tfl.nu/izkj
  Replies (4) Good night (2079) Bad night (1473)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?

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  (250): Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila? http://tfl.nu/i07w
  Replies (7) Good night (1896) Bad night (862)
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  (714): View more from California

  The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.

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  (714): The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow. http://tfl.nu/syuy
  Replies (8) Good night (2874) Bad night (912)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.

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  (303): We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates. http://tfl.nu/w536
  Replies (8) Good night (2862) Bad night (609)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe

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  (570): All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe http://tfl.nu/7ueb
  Replies (4) Good night (850) Bad night (1381)
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  (631): View more from New York

  he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him

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  (631): he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him http://tfl.nu/2wji
  Replies (15) Good night (2220) Bad night (1163)
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  (619): View more from California

  I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"

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  (619): I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn" http://tfl.nu/h75w
  Replies (5) Good night (1505) Bad night (627)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.

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  (507): I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner. http://tfl.nu/ny52
  Replies (15) Good night (1347) Bad night (927)
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  (831): View more from California

  sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing

  (408): View more from California

  it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"

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  (831): sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing (408): it's like you just said "i want you to suffer" http://tfl.nu/wbp5
  Replies (0) Good night (659) Bad night (432)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.

  (1-740): View more from Ohio

  How does this kind of shit happen to you?!

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  (740): I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow. (1-740): How does this kind of shit happen to you?! http://tfl.nu/nrt5
  Replies (6) Good night (1666) Bad night (399)
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  (315): View more from New York

  she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker

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  (315): she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker http://tfl.nu/ddqo
  Replies (3) Good night (404) Bad night (821)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?

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  (847): Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again? http://tfl.nu/4etw
  Replies (1) Good night (257) Bad night (284)

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