You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
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How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
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Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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