Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch

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(480): get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch http://tfl.nu/ncix

Replies (17) Good night (999) Bad night (3016)
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(561): View more from Florida

At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up

(915): View more from Texas

Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat

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(561): At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up (915): Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat http://tfl.nu/y8qb

Replies (32) Good night (3905) Bad night (692)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers

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(860): but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers http://tfl.nu/f9xh

Replies (32) Good night (2991) Bad night (1250)
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(443): View more from Maryland

I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.

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(443): I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand. http://tfl.nu/0bxb

Replies (10) Good night (2924) Bad night (1230)
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(509): View more from Washington

You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.

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(509): You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you. http://tfl.nu/aqxp

Replies (3) Good night (2353) Bad night (787)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.

(970): View more from Colorado

Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"

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(303): Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional. (970): Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?" http://tfl.nu/doci

Replies (8) Good night (3440) Bad night (803)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car

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(617): we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car http://tfl.nu/ipv6

Replies (3) Good night (1988) Bad night (629)
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(425): View more from Washington

I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.

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(425): I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing. http://tfl.nu/l5kn

Replies (9) Good night (905) Bad night (2416)
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(207): View more from Maine

I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.

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(207): I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager. http://tfl.nu/qawn

Replies (3) Good night (942) Bad night (418)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.

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(570): I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women. (570): You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force. http://tfl.nu/ij9q

Replies (6) Good night (1112) Bad night (454)
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(580): View more from Oklahoma

There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...

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(580): There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber... http://tfl.nu/bvkz

Replies (6) Good night (1170) Bad night (514)
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(+61): View more from Australia

After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"

(1+61): View more from

I don't know if I want context or not...

(+61): View more from Australia

Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.

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(+61): After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort" (1+61): I don't know if I want context or not... (+61): Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5. http://tfl.nu/jpk3

Replies (2) Good night (706) Bad night (493)
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(331): View more from Illinois

Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!

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(331): Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws! http://tfl.nu/1f2r

Replies (0) Good night (427) Bad night (200)
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(410): View more from Maryland

We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.

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(410): We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again. http://tfl.nu/b5s0

Replies (1) Good night (776) Bad night (221)
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(276): View more from Virginia

My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.

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(276): My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today. http://tfl.nu/q8u1

Replies (9) Good night (658) Bad night (234)

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