I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.