We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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