I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it's like iHOP with fire
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
