there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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