If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize