Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
