I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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