We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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