so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
