You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
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