Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
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Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
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Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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