I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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