Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
