so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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