i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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