I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
