glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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