I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
