yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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