What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
