It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
